Abuse Index

Abusive Relationship

Are You in an Abusive Relationship?

This questionnaire is designed to help you decide if you are living in an abusive situation. There are different forms of abuse, and not everyone experiences all of them. On the other page are various questions about your relationship with the abuser. By answering each question and totaling the points, you can compare your score with the abuse index. This will clarify to what extent you are in danger.

0 = Never   1 = Rarely   2 = Sometimes   3 = Frequently

  1. Does he/she keep track of your time?
  2. Does he/she discourage you from developing or maintaining friendships?
  3. Does he/she accuse you of having affairs?
  4. Does he/she criticize you for unimportant things?
  5. Does he/she try to make you feel ashamed?
  6. Does he/she try to make you believe that he/she is smarter than you and therefore better able to make decisions?
  7. Does he/she use money as a way of controlling you?
  8. Does he/she try to make you believe that you cannot exist without him/her?
  9. Does he/she try to embarrass you in front of other people?
  10. Does he/she do or say things for which you make excuses?
  11. Does he/she try to make you feel that you are crazy?
  12. Do you feel that there is no way out of your situation?
  13. Do you compromise your feelings in order to "keep the peace?"
  14. Do you believe that you could help your abuser change his/her behavior if you could only change yourself in some way?
  15. Do you find that not making him/her angry has become a major part of your life?
  16. Does he/she get extremely angry without a reason?
  17. Does he/she restrain you to keep you from leaving after you've been arguing?
  18. Has he/she threatened you with a weapon?
  19. Has he/she been violent toward your children?
  20. Does he/she lose control when drinking or using drugs?
  21. Does he/she treat you roughly: grab, pinch, push, or shove you?
  22. Has he/she threatened you verbally?
  23. Has he/she hurt you sexually?
  24. Has he/she ever forced you to have sexual relations against your will?
  25. Do you do what he/she wants, fearing what he/she might do if you don't comply?
  26. Do you stay out of fear for what he/she might do if you leave?
  27. Does he/she threaten to kill himself/herself if you leave?
  28. Does he/she threaten to kill you or family members if you leave?
  29. Does he/she interrogate you about whom you have talked to and where you have been?

Stage Descriptions

0-14 = Relatively Normal

A person with a score of 0–14 is in a non-abusive relationship. The types of difficulties this person experiences are not unusual, and the people in this relationship are able to deal with those difficulties in a non-violent manner.

15-40 = Moderately Abusive

A person with a score in the 15-40 range, however, is in a relationship in which he/she has experienced some violence. The violence may be in the early stages, but there is evidence to support the belief that it will eventually escalate into more sever violence.

41-60 = Seriously Abusive

A person whose score is between 41-60 is in a seriously abusive relationship that may well move into the dangerously abusive range within a relatively short period of time. In this category, serious injury is quite probable. This person needs to consider obtaining counseling for himself/herself and encouraging the abuser to do likewise. He/she may need to consider seeking shelter away from the abuser to keep safe. Such violence is not likely to diminish or disappear without some form of intervention.

61-87 = Dangerously Abusive

A person who scores between 61-90 needs to seriously consider the option of leaving the relationship as soon as possible, at least temporarily. The violence will not take care of itself nor miraculously disappear. Over time, it is very likely that the victim’s life will be in jeopardy more than once.